Talk on the Atonement and Ministering
Good morning!
My name is Tony Woodbury. I've been in the ward for about fifteen years now.
(Insert Joke here.)
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff...
Wait for it...
Baa dum tsss! (Wouldn't be a dad joke if I didn't laugh at it myself.)
I was at the gym the other day, and I watched some poor guy put a water bottle in the pringles holder.
I was asked to tell the story of my recent struggle. Five years ago I unwillingly went through a divorce. There are two gospel topics I'd like to tie in to this story. The Atonement and Ministering.
Going through a divorce was one of the worst things I've ever had to deal with. Ultimate betrayal. It's one of those things I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. During this process, having many friends and close confidants to vent to, was vital to my eternal well being.
Trials and adversity can be overwhelming, but that's the point, isn't it? If we didn't ever get in over our heads, our boundaries would never get pushed and we'd never grow. One of my biggest fears in life when these moments happen, is drowning. Being so overwhelmed that I can't keep my head above water. Elder Holland once said;
"When a battered, weary swimmer tries valiantly to get back to shore, after having fought strong winds and rough waves which he should never have challenged in the first place, those of us who might have had better judgment, or perhaps just better luck, ought not to row out to his side, beat him with our oars, and shove his head back underwater. That’s not what boats were made for. But some of us do that to each other."
It didn't just feel like I'd been thrown in the deep end of the pool. It felt like I'd been out in the middle of the ocean, left to drown.
One of the hardest perspectives I've learned, is not to judge someone based on where they are, at the moment. That we are all eternal beings on an eternal path. That seeing someone in their lowest of lows, doesn't reflect who they really are in the eternities.
Background.
Before all this went down in early 2016, Joe Heaps gave a lesson about making a "Christ themed" new years resolutions. He even printed out an envelope with an image of Christ on it. We were to prayerfully ponder and make a resolution, write that resolution on a card and seal it in the envelope to be opened at the end of the following year. After careful, prayerful, consideration. I wrote that I wanted to be a better father and husband. I felt I was already doing pretty good, but I wanted to do and be even better. I signed and sealed it with a prayerful commitment.
Little did I expect that a few weeks later, my then spouse, would come back from a business trip and not speak to me for three months. The only thing she eventually spoke to me about was divorce. Surely, this resolution didn't need to be continued through the impending divorce, right? But I had made the commitment, that covenant with God, so I persisted, for Him. Through one of the worst years of my life, I maintained that goal, of being a better father and husband. (Whatever that meant now.) I maintained it through the divorce, when being ugly back, would've been so much easier and satisfying. Through being stretched to my limits, balancing being a single dad. Doing my best to shelter my kids from the pain they were facing. Because I know all too well, from first hand experience, the pain that this would cause them.
Ministering friend.
When I was going through this, I needed help. And I wouldn't have survived if it weren't for a few close friends for support. I tried to spread that out between several people. Simply because it would be too overwhelming for one person to help me bear that burden. I didn't want to drown anyone with me.
It takes a village, for we adults too. While reaching out to someone in their crisis, may sometimes be taxing to them. Genuinely being there for them, helps relieve the burden. I appreciate and offer my deepest gratitude to those who helped me during this dark time in my life.
Although we're still working on giving it a name. home teaching, ministering. I think giving it a label is a disservice. The best description I can give it is to genuinely "Love thy neighbor".
I never liked the 'assigned buddy' thing. We've all been there, turn in your numbers. "Did you visit your assigned buddy?" I loved when President Nelson did away with the number crunching. Elder Holland said it best when he said,
"As He prepared to leave His still-innocent and somewhat-confused little band of followers, He did not list a dozen administrative steps they had to take or hand them a fistful of reports to be filled out in triplicate. No, He summarized their task in one fundamental commandment: “Love one another; as I have loved you. … By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”
Patience was a hard, fast, lesson when someone who was supposed to be so close was instead being awful to me. It stretched my patience thin, to the point I didn't have patience for extra things, like a new home teacher.
One day there was a knock on the door. A newly assigned ministering "friend". At this point in this struggle, I had no time or mental energy to pretend. I thanked him for coming but that I was opposed to the assigned buddy thing. After that awkward interaction, for some reason, he kept coming around. And let me emphasize this, it wasn't due to his persistence that I allowed him into my life. It was his sincerity. He had an untraditional perspective that caught my attention. He certainly didn't fit the cookie cutter mold so typical here in happy valley. He showed his sincerity by simply being there for me. Mostly, by just listening. He stood outside and listened to my story for hours, to my anguish, to what certainly could have been my unraveling. He didn't flinch, squirm or try to retreat. He stayed there, just listening and understanding.
He helped see me through the worst of it. He was there for the awful pain, the bitter mistakes, and just listened, never judging. He never forgot a birthday, mine or the kids. He made us feel special. Celebrating with a birthday treat each year, a gift or gift card, and recently, he hand made each of us gifts for our birthdays that had to have taken him hours to make. Not just time but the attention to detail had to have been mentally taxing. You don't do this for someone unless you have a genuine love for them.
My assigned friend wasn't just my assigned friend, he's been my real friend!
Now onto the atonement part.
Early on in this trial, I asked Bishop Bateman for a blessing. He and Justin Nadauld came over to give me that blessing. It was good and comforting. Afterward, Justin offered some advice to try and help me navigate this challenge. He said something along the lines that he didn't know how, but that the atonement can apply in situations like these. It took me years to figure it out. Through trial and error, plenty of heartache and a lot of pain, I learned this truth; that the atonement can apply, even when we haven't done anything wrong. When life is too much, when it's become unbearable, after we've done all that we can and we're still drowning, we can give it to our Savior and He'll pick up the slack. Sometimes the assistance may be just enough to get your head above water, long enough to catch your breath. But it's there, if we're simply willing to take His hand.
For years, I had searched for my eternal companion. I had a list of criteria, because I was determined to avoid the mistakes of my past and do it my way. But through much trial and error, I had to learn to do it His way. I never could have known what His way was, until I had been completely humbled and had given up on my stupid list of criteria. Once I was so broken and shattered, that there was no going back to my old life and old way of thinking. The pain had become too much to bear. I was so overwhelmed... so humbled. Once it got to the point I couldn't take anymore... I finally gave up. I gave it all to Him. I had done all I could. Once I did that, that's when the miracle happened and I learned that lesson that brother Nadauld was referring to those years before. That's when Christ's atonement took over. He picked up the slack where I lacked. It's like that footprint poem, only I became very aware I was being carried.
I was finally humbled enough to be fully obedient. Whether he wanted me as a simple servant in this life or a lone angel in the next life. I gave my entire will over to Him. I wrote Him a blank check. Knowing, hoping, having faith, that He could and would do more with my remaining years than I could.
The happy ending.
It was around this time, when Micah began to drag me to the temple at, "oh yawn" in the morning. He'd show up with a Red Bull and drive us to the temple every week, same time, same day. We'd chat. Talk about my life, and his life, projects we were each working on. His family, my family, we would discuss anything and everything. He wasn't just my assigned friend. He is my true friend. And we've built a friendship that will last forever. When I think of truly ministering, the way Christ would want, I think of eternal friendships. I think of the example Micah was and is for me.
After a temple session early one morning. Micah led us to a place to sit in the Celestial room. We began our usual conversation, discussing what stuck out to us in the preceding session. When I felt an impression, I looked and took note of the beautiful woman sitting on the other side of the couch from me but I didn't plan on doing anything about it, when I felt a prompting. "Say, hi." I don't talk to people in the celestial room. It's a sacred place and I try to give people their space. The prompting was simple but I shrugged it off, thinking it was just my own thoughts, because she's beautiful and wasn't wearing a ring. But when I felt that same prompting two more times. (Three's the magic number for me.) I realized those aren't my thoughts but it was indeed a prompting. So, I was obedient and said 'hi', after which, we had a wonderful conversation. We met the next week, started dating and haven't spent much time apart since. Micah was even there when I proposed to her in the exact spot where we met in the Celestial room. We were married in Lake Powell among family and friends and attended the temple regularly up until they closed last year. I sorely long for the day when we can again attend the temple regularly. I feel fortunate we were able to be sealed only a few months before the temples closed.
It came in a time and place I wasn't expecting. There is no other way she and I would have met. Nothing else going on in either of our lives would have ended up with us meeting, except the temple.
I had given up hope of ever finding someone with whom I could share that deeper level connection. I was resigning myself to the single life, although that is far from what I wanted. He just needed me to be humble enough to accept her, exactly as she is. Not perfect, but perfect for me. Perfect for each other.
In Mathew 16:25, it says; "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake, shall find it."
I lost my life and I only found my way after humbling myself enough to entirely submit to his will, "...as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." And he gave me far more than I ever could have imagined.
Testify
I testify of the divinity of Christs atonement. That He plays an active role in each of our lives. I testify of the blessings that come through faithful living. Of the insight, direction and happiness that come through the gospel, and in living and striving to better understand it's precepts. I testify of the sanctity of baptism and of renewing our covenants weekly, through partaking of the sacrament. That if we're deeply humble and entirely obedient, He will take care of us. I leave these things with you in the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ. -Amen
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