Russians don't celebrate Christmas on December 25th, they celebrate Christmas on January 8th. And they don't call him Santa, they call him Father Frost and he is almost always accompanied by the Ice Princess. So Christmas this season will mostly be celebrated on January 8th. Here is my journal entry from Christmas eve, 1997.
24 Dec 1997
It's been a while so I figured I'd better update the journal. Last night, I was able to call home to talk with Lyndsie and Jill, they were excited to hear from me and I was really excited to hear from them. I am home sick. Lyndsie was really excited and started screaming. I talked to her for about ten minutes. Then I called Jill who happened to be at Wayne's house at the time. She didn't even recognize who I was until I told her. I really miss them. I heard baby CJ's voice for the first time. Oh yeah, Jill had her baby. She's a little girl named Cortney Jordan, or CJ for short. I enjoyed listening to the little baby gurgling sounds, it was so cute! I really enjoyed talking with them. I was able to talk to my Mom a few weeks ago when she called after CJ was born to tell me the good news and let me know that everything was cool, both Mom and baby are well. I enjoyed talking with my Mom then.
We had zone conference yesterday and I gave a talk. I spoke about mercy, the spirit was strong and felt by all. The next day my missionary companion told me that he doesn't know how I can still have the spirit with me when I don't follow "any of the mission rules". (Ouch!)
Such an ignorant and hurtful statement for my companion to say. The spirit isn't only for hardcore members or missionaries who follow all their own made up rules in order to judge whom is more Holy. The spirit doesn't discriminate with the eyes of men. The mission rules are guidelines. The spirit follows the rules and will of God. I don't understand how my companion judged and criticized me even when he felt the spirit testify to my message during my talk. I seriously don't get this holier than thou mindset that some people fall in to. It's rampant in the LDS culture. Who knows, perhaps it's human nature. But I refuse to subscribe.
My off the cuff response was that the Lord loves me and even though I sometimes, okay, a lot of the time, have problems following the rules and doing what I am told. The lord will always love and bless me. Just like he does for everyone. I'm beginning to realize just how differently I think due to my upbringing. I guess I am this way because I have gone through so much more shit in my young life compared to so many other missionaries. The lord must be extending mercy on me because I never get up on time. In order to unwind, I have sometimes sneaked and watched Jay Leno at night. I love listening to the Russian translations right after hearing it in English. and It's so fascinating that even here in Russia, they watch so much American TV. Anyway, I rarely go to bed on time and among the plethora of other various "problems" I have been having. I listen to unauthorized or "нелзя" music. In fact, right now I'm listening to INXS greatest hits. My comp told on me to the mission President and in my interview with President Wright, he tried to make me realize I need to try to follow the rules simply for the sake of obedience. Because he asked me I have been trying. I have been getting up on time and going to bed on time. Well, at least I'm trying. I think a lot about "baby steps." Growing up, I never had any rules. I just did what made sense. For example, if I didn't get up on time for school, I missed class and as a consequence, would fail classes. So I learned for myself, to get up on time for school. But saying I'm a bad person because I don't following some made up regimen is not only absurd to me, it's ignorant and asinine.
The rules on listening to music vary from mission to mission. Before the mission split, the rule was, if it inspires you, it's okay to listen. Can they be serious to think that the spirit won't be with a missionary because of a made up rule? The rule was put in place because the mission president at the time, called his AP's early one morning to hear Metallica blaring in the background. During the interview the mission President asked me to obey the mission rules for the sake of obedience. But obedience to whom? I'm not here to brown nose him, I'm here to worship God, to follow Christ and to live his ultimate example. I'm here to help people, and that is exactly what I intend to do.
Well right now, I'm on splits with the district leader, Elder Callahan. He wants to go work, So I better finish up and go get ready. I've got so much going through my head right now. It's going too fast for me to slow down enough to write it all.
I have been learning by leaps and bounds in the gospel lately and it's really cool. Not just learning about it but actually knowing it. I still have a hard time and butt heads with people or missionaries who think they know everything and how it all works. I may not follow all their rules to a "T" but I can see how the Lord is using my unique perspective to help others and to treat them in a more Christlike way than others seem to be capable of. I get really frustrated with missionaries who would rather obey rules than help people. I just want to shake them by the shoulders and yell at them to listen to the spirit. They think they know it all, when in fact they have barely even begun to live life. I sometimes hate the curse that was my upbringing. I had to grow up so fast and have had to learn lessons that most people my age can't yet comprehend. Dealing with them and their ignorant perceptions are downright aggravating.
Oh well, that's mission life.
See ya,
Tony
24 Dec 1997
It's been a while so I figured I'd better update the journal. Last night, I was able to call home to talk with Lyndsie and Jill, they were excited to hear from me and I was really excited to hear from them. I am home sick. Lyndsie was really excited and started screaming. I talked to her for about ten minutes. Then I called Jill who happened to be at Wayne's house at the time. She didn't even recognize who I was until I told her. I really miss them. I heard baby CJ's voice for the first time. Oh yeah, Jill had her baby. She's a little girl named Cortney Jordan, or CJ for short. I enjoyed listening to the little baby gurgling sounds, it was so cute! I really enjoyed talking with them. I was able to talk to my Mom a few weeks ago when she called after CJ was born to tell me the good news and let me know that everything was cool, both Mom and baby are well. I enjoyed talking with my Mom then.
We had zone conference yesterday and I gave a talk. I spoke about mercy, the spirit was strong and felt by all. The next day my missionary companion told me that he doesn't know how I can still have the spirit with me when I don't follow "any of the mission rules". (Ouch!)
Such an ignorant and hurtful statement for my companion to say. The spirit isn't only for hardcore members or missionaries who follow all their own made up rules in order to judge whom is more Holy. The spirit doesn't discriminate with the eyes of men. The mission rules are guidelines. The spirit follows the rules and will of God. I don't understand how my companion judged and criticized me even when he felt the spirit testify to my message during my talk. I seriously don't get this holier than thou mindset that some people fall in to. It's rampant in the LDS culture. Who knows, perhaps it's human nature. But I refuse to subscribe.
My off the cuff response was that the Lord loves me and even though I sometimes, okay, a lot of the time, have problems following the rules and doing what I am told. The lord will always love and bless me. Just like he does for everyone. I'm beginning to realize just how differently I think due to my upbringing. I guess I am this way because I have gone through so much more shit in my young life compared to so many other missionaries. The lord must be extending mercy on me because I never get up on time. In order to unwind, I have sometimes sneaked and watched Jay Leno at night. I love listening to the Russian translations right after hearing it in English. and It's so fascinating that even here in Russia, they watch so much American TV. Anyway, I rarely go to bed on time and among the plethora of other various "problems" I have been having. I listen to unauthorized or "нелзя" music. In fact, right now I'm listening to INXS greatest hits. My comp told on me to the mission President and in my interview with President Wright, he tried to make me realize I need to try to follow the rules simply for the sake of obedience. Because he asked me I have been trying. I have been getting up on time and going to bed on time. Well, at least I'm trying. I think a lot about "baby steps." Growing up, I never had any rules. I just did what made sense. For example, if I didn't get up on time for school, I missed class and as a consequence, would fail classes. So I learned for myself, to get up on time for school. But saying I'm a bad person because I don't following some made up regimen is not only absurd to me, it's ignorant and asinine.
The rules on listening to music vary from mission to mission. Before the mission split, the rule was, if it inspires you, it's okay to listen. Can they be serious to think that the spirit won't be with a missionary because of a made up rule? The rule was put in place because the mission president at the time, called his AP's early one morning to hear Metallica blaring in the background. During the interview the mission President asked me to obey the mission rules for the sake of obedience. But obedience to whom? I'm not here to brown nose him, I'm here to worship God, to follow Christ and to live his ultimate example. I'm here to help people, and that is exactly what I intend to do.
Well right now, I'm on splits with the district leader, Elder Callahan. He wants to go work, So I better finish up and go get ready. I've got so much going through my head right now. It's going too fast for me to slow down enough to write it all.
I have been learning by leaps and bounds in the gospel lately and it's really cool. Not just learning about it but actually knowing it. I still have a hard time and butt heads with people or missionaries who think they know everything and how it all works. I may not follow all their rules to a "T" but I can see how the Lord is using my unique perspective to help others and to treat them in a more Christlike way than others seem to be capable of. I get really frustrated with missionaries who would rather obey rules than help people. I just want to shake them by the shoulders and yell at them to listen to the spirit. They think they know it all, when in fact they have barely even begun to live life. I sometimes hate the curse that was my upbringing. I had to grow up so fast and have had to learn lessons that most people my age can't yet comprehend. Dealing with them and their ignorant perceptions are downright aggravating.
Oh well, that's mission life.
See ya,
Tony
You are amazing. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Kristy. You happen to be pretty amazing yourself! ;)
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