I'm not talking about the kind President Holland talked about last October in his talk entitled "Like a Broken Vessel" Her condition is much worse, in that it has proven time and time again to be detrimental to the people closely involved in her life.
This post is entirely for my Father, to clarify for his stake president and any other LDS church representatives, to put to rest their concern regarding his arrest and acquittal from over 30 years ago.
In this post I will provide conclusive evidence that not only was his acquittal 100% accurate in confirming his innocence but that he is in fact one of the most humble, hard working, dedicated, Christlike men that I know for what he had to put up with and how he dealt with the entire situation. More than capable of the most physically, mentally and spiritually demanding positions for your consideration in serving a mission in the capacity as a Senior couple.
One day, when I was about the age of eight my mother sat me down on those ugly, seventies style, red/orange, felt couches with white zig-zag trim and asked me very clear and deriving, if my Father had ever touched me in any way. After needing some clarification I replied that no, he had never touched me. She then began digging a little further to try and plant seeds that she would try to twist into the conversation later. She asked if my father had ever even said anything about my penis, and after even more mining on her part I reluctantly came up with something to appease her constant digging, it was something that she grasped onto like I envision a starving vampire to blood. An insatiable giddiness. I told her that he once told me how to properly wash my privates. Then in that very same conversation, she next tried to twist that, into my Father saying instead "if you touch my privates, I'll touch yours." Which is completely untrue! Those were her words that she was trying to inject into my mind. She then proceeded to ask me if I could have any toy, what would it be. I said I wanted the entire set of six Voltron lions, which was a popular cartoon at the time that I quite enjoyed. Later, she took me to ZCMI, we found the toy I wanted I even remember that it cost sixty dollars. Far more than we ever could have afforded. I was very excited to get this toy as I wasn't able to get it for Christmas or even my birthday. When we got out to the car it was placed in the trunk and I was told that I wouldn't get this toy until after I repeated what we had talked about to the counselor. The counselor being a formal representative of primary children's hospital who would represent we kids in a court hearing. I remember my sisters and I all sitting in a sterile, white hall, while we each went in one at a time to be "interviewed" by this counselor. When my turn came, I went in and was given some paper and pencil to draw whatever I wanted. I immediately drew the only thing that was on my mind. The Voltron toy I was anticipating. I don't recall what the counselor said or asked until she asked what I was drawing. Excited, I told her, that's Voltron, I volunteered that I was going to get the full set of lions when we leave here today. I don't recall anything that was said after that as well. I later found out that the counselor was going to use our "testimonies" in a trial to convict my Father of sexually abusing myself and my three sisters. I also later learned that the only "usable" testimony was that of my then, three year old sister. The story my mom was able to get her to repeat was that "daddy sucked my peewee". Becky had made-up a story that when my Father picked my little sister up from daycare he would drive her home and molest her.
What three year old even knows how to say that?
I remember months later my mom coaching my little sister to go out and get the mail when the mailman showed up. But she was to say her fun little phrase that mommy taught her, it was made to be a game, "daddy sucked my peewee", To the postal carrier. I now understand more fully what was going on but was a little naive to it then. You see my Dad worked for the Orem post office. That postal carrier worked closely with my Dad and knew him and I'm sure, knew of his situation. Becky was trying to not only ruin his life and get him sent to prison but to also ruin his name and drag his reputation through the mud, she wanted his life to be miserable. She is not one who can let something go and lose. She has to be in control of everything and everyone.
Through my youth, the verbal abuse was a constant onslaught and I compared my self esteem to a war ravaged brick wall, falling over, barely recognizable as more than a pile of rubble. I was always known as "the damn male" and many other such colorful terms of endearment. I would often try to build up my self-esteem wall, as it affected me at school, with friends and every other aspect of my life. but when Becky recognized that I was trying to rebuild it, she would come blazing through knocking it all down. She seemed to like to keep each brick flat on the ground. Despite this I still sought after my mothers love and was constantly seeking validation, telling her I loved her. I was a relatively good kid. Yet Becky on many occasions found a reason to kick me out of the house. The first was when I was about twelve. I went to live with my Father for about six months until I was forced to go back to live with Becky.
The second time was when I was fourteen. I ended up staying at a neighbors house, sleeping in a recliner for a week until the mother of that home confronted Becky about the issue and forced her to take me back.
The third time was when I was sixteen and had recently gained some responsibilities that provided me an escape from her onslaught of verbal abuse. I had a drivers license and a motorcycle that my Father had provided for me. The next few years are a long story and I will spare the details but know that I didn't speak to Becky for several years after this last incident. Because I had found the Jensen family, a good LDS family that took me in and treated me as one of their own until I had graduated high school.
The fourth and final time Becky had kicked me out was about two months after my mission. I had made it a point to include her in my life before my mission as my unofficial foster Dad, Randy Jensen had suggested to do, as he saw that it might help her spiritual growth. I contacted her and not only included her in the process leading up to my entering the MTC but moved in with her for a few months, although I ended up spending most of the time at another close relatives home, the Wises. Despite my confusing living arrangements, I decided to leave from my Fathers ward in Nephi. I made it a point to write to Becky the entire duration of my mission, trying to look out for her spiritual well being. She even came to pick me up at its conclusion and we visited several members and cities in Russia before finally returning back to the US. A short few months after, I had just started school and was taking classes, had little to no income, but came back to find a note on the desk stating that "(I) wouldn’t understand but that (I) needed to take my things and get out."
I woke late one night and wrote the following:
The notes my mom always left “kicking me out” might have been my mother protecting me from the demons within her. She is pure evil, or can be. To better explain, it may be that she is somehow possessed by something evil, yet somewhere inside her, there is a mother that still cares for her children. But that somehow the demons would surface and threaten to attack their “threat”.
In a dream, I had an image of my mother, standing in the bedroom doorway with a knife, festering over whether or not to kill me in my sleep. However, it wasn’t my mother that was in charge of her body, it was the demons.
It may be that she can somehow keep the demons at bay for a short time. Which is why she has lived in solitude for some time. That when any of us children visit her, the visits must be kept short. If they go too long the demons may come to the surface and rather than explain the danger to anyone, she simply pushes the “threats” away by whatever means necessary in order to protect them from the evil. What she most commonly does is dismiss herself, leave or kick everyone out if the threat(s) are in her “zone”. I can remember this as recent as a Christmas breakfast at her house several years ago. We children and our spouses were all enjoying the morning and breakfast when she just flipped out after a few hours and we all had to leave. This might have been her trying to protect us from what was surfacing within her. Because I recall she went away for a few minutes before hand. She may have been going away to try to repress them. It explains why she has kept everyone of us at a distance. It may be a balance she has managed and learned to control to some extent. I recall the last note she left me, kicking me out.. Explaining that “I wouldn’t understand” but that I needed to take my things and get out.
This may also be why she buys such large/expensive gifts for us at Christmas and birthdays.
Either way, having my mother in my life is like playing with fire, only its not just fire. It’s like playing with a pet viper, (a huge viper, like the one Jafar turns himself into at the end of the movie Aladin.) One that wants you dead but could strike at any given time for no reason at all. What might seem totally random to all outside her body/mind. It explains why she must have absolute control.
This is the most recent interaction I have had with Becky and it happened several years ago.
Some years ago my mother sent me an email that shows an example of how our fingers are symbolic of our family commitments throughout our life's that I found extremely two faced coming from her.
This is the actual email conversation that lead me to the point where after more than a decade, My mother is still no longer speaking with me.
Firstly, here is the video:
And here is the email conversation:
Tony:
And the only way to break the 4th finger from the other is to destroy the bond between them all.
Becky:
This is only an analogy that the Japs use. Just as we have the analogy about a wedding ring. Don't get excited.
Something on your mind?
Tony:
Just the gaping wound in my soul from not having my father there for me growing up but even more so is the absolutely horrible mother I got stuck with. She has emotional issues and is a great manipulator. She can twist just about anything around to make herself look good. Also the pain from wanting to feel and be loved as a child has left me with an abyss of pain regret and sorrow.
I always said I love you so often because it was never felt in return.
Saying "Damn male" and other such hurtful things to a child can have lasting affects on a child.
Lying about things my father never, ever would have done. And I know you did. I must have been seven or eight years old and I remember you sitting me down on that ugly orange couch in the living room of the Orem house and asking me specific questions about me showering with my Dad, if he ever "touched" me. I said he never did and you continued to probe then twisted and manipulated a statement I made about him only showing me how to wash myself, into him "saying": "if you touch me, I'll touch you."
And then you took me to ZCMI and had me pick out a toy I had been wanting, Voltron the whole set of 6 lion toys that cost 60$. It was a really cool toy for a kid. And after we bought it you said I could only get it AFTER I told the counselor what we had talked about. Specifically, the "if you touch me, I'll touch you" comment. And after I did, I got my voltron toy. I remember driving home from the counselor because I got to open and play with my new toy. You had kept it in the trunk. Do you remember any of this!?! There is a special place in Hell for those who use little children in such hurtful ways.
Then another time having Lyndsie and I go out to meet the mailman and having little Lyndsie say, "Daddy sucked my peewee." to him. With you fully knowing that the letter carrier worked with my Dad. You were not only trying to divorce him and take away the loves of his life (at the time), his kids, away from him. It wasn't enough, you had to ruin and tarnish his reputation at work. Perhaps if you ruined his life enough you might make him feel that if he had nothing to live for. Maybe you were trying to get him to commit suicide or to move far away, if he did, it would look like you were right. That he did indeed do what you said he did.
Despite this most hurtful thing you did, it still hurts more having had to deal with your psychological issues throughout my entire childhood. Why do you think I have kept my distance from you over the years?
I was always a good kid. Any normal parent would have (and did) enjoy having me around. And yet you constantly berated me, made fun of me, called me names and swore at me. I was only a kid! Yet how many times did you kick me out!?!
In order for me to move on, I need to get this out.
They say forgive and forget, but to forget without having been asked for forgiveness is like asking to be hurt again, over and over. What I need from you if you want to be in my life anymore is for you to acknowledge what you did and ask for forgiveness. I can't ignore this any longer and neither should you.
Becky:
Sorry that you feel that way. Perhaps as a child you did not understand what really went on and things have ballooned up in your mind and Wendy's. Some of those things are incorrect. I know without a doubt the truth....and I have told it. I will never deny it.
Tony:
Your right, as a child I didn't understand. But now, as an adult I understand exactly what happened. What I don't know is why.
Your a lost cause.
Becky:
Lyndsie told the mailman on her own and came in and told me what she said...I was embarrassed...she thot it was something cool. Do you want to hear the rest? My mother also told me that Lyndsie said that to her also.
Tony:
I remember you telling her to do it. I also remember you asking her if she did it after she and I returned from the mailbox. Then I remember you laughing that she had done it. Embarrassed my ass. And why have you totally disregarded the part of my detailed message where you berated me, made fun of me, called me names and swore at me?
Any normal parent would have addressed my concerns, felt sorry and tried to console me and make things right. You've done nothing but make excuses.
Becky:
Lyndsie told the Psychologist at Primary's children that also. I cannot and would not call you anything because you were just a little boy and I do realize that, and was very much aware you were very innocent. You may have thot that in your own mind because you were young and many things go through a child's mind at once and they do get confused. I am sorry that that is how it went through your mind. Anything else you want me to address. I could go on forever, even things you do not know.
Becky:
You were not 7 or 8 yrs old. Think again.
Becky:
Yes, there is a special place in Hell for those who use little children in such hurtful ways.
Becky:
“if you touch me, I’ll touch you.” This is what you said to me because Lyndsie had been touched and I had to ask if the rest of you had been bothered.
Becky:
Yes, I said "Damn Male" because of all that had been happening and what he did, even though you may not believe it.
Becky:
Tony, these are not your words, who is writing this?
After several email responses from her I finally responded:
Tony:
I'm done, I wash my hands of you. You know how I feel. You've had several opportunities to apologize and have not.
Goodbye
I shared (CCed) this whole conversation with my sisters including them so they knew verbatim what was said.
Wendy to me later:
Thanks for sharing this. I know it can be difficult just to have said that. What she did to us all was horrible. She's Satan's minion and is awfully smart, manipulative and well, crazy.
On the other side of it, I believe she may have been the one that was sexually abused and she repressed it. I believe she developed Borderline Personality Disorder but I've already mentioned this to you before. The book Understanding the Borderline Mother by Lawson, has helped me immensely over the years -- understand her and even understand myself. Maybe you'll find some answers for yourself if you read it. After reading about borderline personality disorder it confirmed for me what I already knew, she will never fully change, if at all. To be frank, I'd be surprised if she acknowledged what you said.
I hope you eventually find the peace you are seeking, I know it's not easy.
You were a good, loving child and you are still a good, loving person even after what that She-Devil put you through, and that says a lot.
I love you Tony,
Wendy
Wendy again:
I'll buy the book, Understanding the Borderline Mother, and give it to you, if you are interested. The UVU library has a copy and I've just always looked at that one. It could probably be considered the family bible so I should probably just buy one for all of us. haha :)
What are Lyn and Jill saying?
Tony to Wendy:
Jill called me to see how I was doing and we talked for a little while. I told her how much better I feel. and she totally understood and was glad I fwded it all to her so she knew what was said first hand as opposed to hearing it from Becky.
Lyn hasn't said anything to me. but one of her facebook posts said she was "having one of those days".
As far as the book goes? eh, I'm not worried. I'm just glad to have gotten out my frustration.
This post is entirely for my Father, to clarify for his stake president and any other LDS church representatives, to put to rest their concern regarding his arrest and acquittal from over 30 years ago.
In this post I will provide conclusive evidence that not only was his acquittal 100% accurate in confirming his innocence but that he is in fact one of the most humble, hard working, dedicated, Christlike men that I know for what he had to put up with and how he dealt with the entire situation. More than capable of the most physically, mentally and spiritually demanding positions for your consideration in serving a mission in the capacity as a Senior couple.
Part 1
One day, when I was about the age of eight my mother sat me down on those ugly, seventies style, red/orange, felt couches with white zig-zag trim and asked me very clear and deriving, if my Father had ever touched me in any way. After needing some clarification I replied that no, he had never touched me. She then began digging a little further to try and plant seeds that she would try to twist into the conversation later. She asked if my father had ever even said anything about my penis, and after even more mining on her part I reluctantly came up with something to appease her constant digging, it was something that she grasped onto like I envision a starving vampire to blood. An insatiable giddiness. I told her that he once told me how to properly wash my privates. Then in that very same conversation, she next tried to twist that, into my Father saying instead "if you touch my privates, I'll touch yours." Which is completely untrue! Those were her words that she was trying to inject into my mind. She then proceeded to ask me if I could have any toy, what would it be. I said I wanted the entire set of six Voltron lions, which was a popular cartoon at the time that I quite enjoyed. Later, she took me to ZCMI, we found the toy I wanted I even remember that it cost sixty dollars. Far more than we ever could have afforded. I was very excited to get this toy as I wasn't able to get it for Christmas or even my birthday. When we got out to the car it was placed in the trunk and I was told that I wouldn't get this toy until after I repeated what we had talked about to the counselor. The counselor being a formal representative of primary children's hospital who would represent we kids in a court hearing. I remember my sisters and I all sitting in a sterile, white hall, while we each went in one at a time to be "interviewed" by this counselor. When my turn came, I went in and was given some paper and pencil to draw whatever I wanted. I immediately drew the only thing that was on my mind. The Voltron toy I was anticipating. I don't recall what the counselor said or asked until she asked what I was drawing. Excited, I told her, that's Voltron, I volunteered that I was going to get the full set of lions when we leave here today. I don't recall anything that was said after that as well. I later found out that the counselor was going to use our "testimonies" in a trial to convict my Father of sexually abusing myself and my three sisters. I also later learned that the only "usable" testimony was that of my then, three year old sister. The story my mom was able to get her to repeat was that "daddy sucked my peewee". Becky had made-up a story that when my Father picked my little sister up from daycare he would drive her home and molest her.
What three year old even knows how to say that?
I remember months later my mom coaching my little sister to go out and get the mail when the mailman showed up. But she was to say her fun little phrase that mommy taught her, it was made to be a game, "daddy sucked my peewee", To the postal carrier. I now understand more fully what was going on but was a little naive to it then. You see my Dad worked for the Orem post office. That postal carrier worked closely with my Dad and knew him and I'm sure, knew of his situation. Becky was trying to not only ruin his life and get him sent to prison but to also ruin his name and drag his reputation through the mud, she wanted his life to be miserable. She is not one who can let something go and lose. She has to be in control of everything and everyone.
Part 2
Through my youth, the verbal abuse was a constant onslaught and I compared my self esteem to a war ravaged brick wall, falling over, barely recognizable as more than a pile of rubble. I was always known as "the damn male" and many other such colorful terms of endearment. I would often try to build up my self-esteem wall, as it affected me at school, with friends and every other aspect of my life. but when Becky recognized that I was trying to rebuild it, she would come blazing through knocking it all down. She seemed to like to keep each brick flat on the ground. Despite this I still sought after my mothers love and was constantly seeking validation, telling her I loved her. I was a relatively good kid. Yet Becky on many occasions found a reason to kick me out of the house. The first was when I was about twelve. I went to live with my Father for about six months until I was forced to go back to live with Becky.
The second time was when I was fourteen. I ended up staying at a neighbors house, sleeping in a recliner for a week until the mother of that home confronted Becky about the issue and forced her to take me back.
The third time was when I was sixteen and had recently gained some responsibilities that provided me an escape from her onslaught of verbal abuse. I had a drivers license and a motorcycle that my Father had provided for me. The next few years are a long story and I will spare the details but know that I didn't speak to Becky for several years after this last incident. Because I had found the Jensen family, a good LDS family that took me in and treated me as one of their own until I had graduated high school.
The fourth and final time Becky had kicked me out was about two months after my mission. I had made it a point to include her in my life before my mission as my unofficial foster Dad, Randy Jensen had suggested to do, as he saw that it might help her spiritual growth. I contacted her and not only included her in the process leading up to my entering the MTC but moved in with her for a few months, although I ended up spending most of the time at another close relatives home, the Wises. Despite my confusing living arrangements, I decided to leave from my Fathers ward in Nephi. I made it a point to write to Becky the entire duration of my mission, trying to look out for her spiritual well being. She even came to pick me up at its conclusion and we visited several members and cities in Russia before finally returning back to the US. A short few months after, I had just started school and was taking classes, had little to no income, but came back to find a note on the desk stating that "(I) wouldn’t understand but that (I) needed to take my things and get out."
I woke late one night and wrote the following:
The notes my mom always left “kicking me out” might have been my mother protecting me from the demons within her. She is pure evil, or can be. To better explain, it may be that she is somehow possessed by something evil, yet somewhere inside her, there is a mother that still cares for her children. But that somehow the demons would surface and threaten to attack their “threat”.
In a dream, I had an image of my mother, standing in the bedroom doorway with a knife, festering over whether or not to kill me in my sleep. However, it wasn’t my mother that was in charge of her body, it was the demons.
It may be that she can somehow keep the demons at bay for a short time. Which is why she has lived in solitude for some time. That when any of us children visit her, the visits must be kept short. If they go too long the demons may come to the surface and rather than explain the danger to anyone, she simply pushes the “threats” away by whatever means necessary in order to protect them from the evil. What she most commonly does is dismiss herself, leave or kick everyone out if the threat(s) are in her “zone”. I can remember this as recent as a Christmas breakfast at her house several years ago. We children and our spouses were all enjoying the morning and breakfast when she just flipped out after a few hours and we all had to leave. This might have been her trying to protect us from what was surfacing within her. Because I recall she went away for a few minutes before hand. She may have been going away to try to repress them. It explains why she has kept everyone of us at a distance. It may be a balance she has managed and learned to control to some extent. I recall the last note she left me, kicking me out.. Explaining that “I wouldn’t understand” but that I needed to take my things and get out.
This may also be why she buys such large/expensive gifts for us at Christmas and birthdays.
Either way, having my mother in my life is like playing with fire, only its not just fire. It’s like playing with a pet viper, (a huge viper, like the one Jafar turns himself into at the end of the movie Aladin.) One that wants you dead but could strike at any given time for no reason at all. What might seem totally random to all outside her body/mind. It explains why she must have absolute control.
Part 3
This is the most recent interaction I have had with Becky and it happened several years ago.
Some years ago my mother sent me an email that shows an example of how our fingers are symbolic of our family commitments throughout our life's that I found extremely two faced coming from her.
This is the actual email conversation that lead me to the point where after more than a decade, My mother is still no longer speaking with me.
Firstly, here is the video:
And here is the email conversation:
Tony:
And the only way to break the 4th finger from the other is to destroy the bond between them all.
Becky:
This is only an analogy that the Japs use. Just as we have the analogy about a wedding ring. Don't get excited.
Something on your mind?
Tony:
Just the gaping wound in my soul from not having my father there for me growing up but even more so is the absolutely horrible mother I got stuck with. She has emotional issues and is a great manipulator. She can twist just about anything around to make herself look good. Also the pain from wanting to feel and be loved as a child has left me with an abyss of pain regret and sorrow.
I always said I love you so often because it was never felt in return.
Saying "Damn male" and other such hurtful things to a child can have lasting affects on a child.
Lying about things my father never, ever would have done. And I know you did. I must have been seven or eight years old and I remember you sitting me down on that ugly orange couch in the living room of the Orem house and asking me specific questions about me showering with my Dad, if he ever "touched" me. I said he never did and you continued to probe then twisted and manipulated a statement I made about him only showing me how to wash myself, into him "saying": "if you touch me, I'll touch you."
And then you took me to ZCMI and had me pick out a toy I had been wanting, Voltron the whole set of 6 lion toys that cost 60$. It was a really cool toy for a kid. And after we bought it you said I could only get it AFTER I told the counselor what we had talked about. Specifically, the "if you touch me, I'll touch you" comment. And after I did, I got my voltron toy. I remember driving home from the counselor because I got to open and play with my new toy. You had kept it in the trunk. Do you remember any of this!?! There is a special place in Hell for those who use little children in such hurtful ways.
Then another time having Lyndsie and I go out to meet the mailman and having little Lyndsie say, "Daddy sucked my peewee." to him. With you fully knowing that the letter carrier worked with my Dad. You were not only trying to divorce him and take away the loves of his life (at the time), his kids, away from him. It wasn't enough, you had to ruin and tarnish his reputation at work. Perhaps if you ruined his life enough you might make him feel that if he had nothing to live for. Maybe you were trying to get him to commit suicide or to move far away, if he did, it would look like you were right. That he did indeed do what you said he did.
Despite this most hurtful thing you did, it still hurts more having had to deal with your psychological issues throughout my entire childhood. Why do you think I have kept my distance from you over the years?
I was always a good kid. Any normal parent would have (and did) enjoy having me around. And yet you constantly berated me, made fun of me, called me names and swore at me. I was only a kid! Yet how many times did you kick me out!?!
In order for me to move on, I need to get this out.
They say forgive and forget, but to forget without having been asked for forgiveness is like asking to be hurt again, over and over. What I need from you if you want to be in my life anymore is for you to acknowledge what you did and ask for forgiveness. I can't ignore this any longer and neither should you.
Becky:
Sorry that you feel that way. Perhaps as a child you did not understand what really went on and things have ballooned up in your mind and Wendy's. Some of those things are incorrect. I know without a doubt the truth....and I have told it. I will never deny it.
Tony:
Your right, as a child I didn't understand. But now, as an adult I understand exactly what happened. What I don't know is why.
Your a lost cause.
Becky:
Lyndsie told the mailman on her own and came in and told me what she said...I was embarrassed...she thot it was something cool. Do you want to hear the rest? My mother also told me that Lyndsie said that to her also.
Tony:
I remember you telling her to do it. I also remember you asking her if she did it after she and I returned from the mailbox. Then I remember you laughing that she had done it. Embarrassed my ass. And why have you totally disregarded the part of my detailed message where you berated me, made fun of me, called me names and swore at me?
Any normal parent would have addressed my concerns, felt sorry and tried to console me and make things right. You've done nothing but make excuses.
Becky:
Lyndsie told the Psychologist at Primary's children that also. I cannot and would not call you anything because you were just a little boy and I do realize that, and was very much aware you were very innocent. You may have thot that in your own mind because you were young and many things go through a child's mind at once and they do get confused. I am sorry that that is how it went through your mind. Anything else you want me to address. I could go on forever, even things you do not know.
Becky:
You were not 7 or 8 yrs old. Think again.
Becky:
Yes, there is a special place in Hell for those who use little children in such hurtful ways.
Becky:
“if you touch me, I’ll touch you.” This is what you said to me because Lyndsie had been touched and I had to ask if the rest of you had been bothered.
Becky:
Yes, I said "Damn Male" because of all that had been happening and what he did, even though you may not believe it.
Becky:
Tony, these are not your words, who is writing this?
After several email responses from her I finally responded:
Tony:
I'm done, I wash my hands of you. You know how I feel. You've had several opportunities to apologize and have not.
Goodbye
I shared (CCed) this whole conversation with my sisters including them so they knew verbatim what was said.
Wendy to me later:
Thanks for sharing this. I know it can be difficult just to have said that. What she did to us all was horrible. She's Satan's minion and is awfully smart, manipulative and well, crazy.
On the other side of it, I believe she may have been the one that was sexually abused and she repressed it. I believe she developed Borderline Personality Disorder but I've already mentioned this to you before. The book Understanding the Borderline Mother by Lawson, has helped me immensely over the years -- understand her and even understand myself. Maybe you'll find some answers for yourself if you read it. After reading about borderline personality disorder it confirmed for me what I already knew, she will never fully change, if at all. To be frank, I'd be surprised if she acknowledged what you said.
I hope you eventually find the peace you are seeking, I know it's not easy.
You were a good, loving child and you are still a good, loving person even after what that She-Devil put you through, and that says a lot.
I love you Tony,
Wendy
Wendy again:
I'll buy the book, Understanding the Borderline Mother, and give it to you, if you are interested. The UVU library has a copy and I've just always looked at that one. It could probably be considered the family bible so I should probably just buy one for all of us. haha :)
What are Lyn and Jill saying?
Tony to Wendy:
Jill called me to see how I was doing and we talked for a little while. I told her how much better I feel. and she totally understood and was glad I fwded it all to her so she knew what was said first hand as opposed to hearing it from Becky.
Lyn hasn't said anything to me. but one of her facebook posts said she was "having one of those days".
As far as the book goes? eh, I'm not worried. I'm just glad to have gotten out my frustration.
Conclusion:
Although this experience was a nightmare for all involved, it was as the refiners fire. My father endured much pain and anguish that refined him and made him the amazing man that he is today.
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